First Kiss
by Dedeen
Summary: My idea of Upstead's first kiss.


**This scene had been playing in my head for a while now, so I thought I would put it down on paper. Here it is my idea of Jay's and Hailey's first kiss.**

**I own nothing.**

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The locker room was dark, save for the one dim light bulb above where he was seated. His back was against the far wall, legs straddling the wooden bench, head bowed downward, chin to chest, shoulder hunched to his neck, hiding, hurting. Hailey paused at first, hesitant to walk inside.

A drug bust had gone sideways. Hailey's cover had been blown. The situation escalated so fast and to such an extreme that intelligence lost complete control over it. In his attempt to re-assert control, Jay was able to spare Hailey, but not his CI, who was shot and brought to Med in critical condition.

Hailey choked back the lump in her throat and took unhurried steps inside. Slowly, she straddled the bench and sat facing him. When he didn't move, she slid closer and reached for him, resting her hand on his jean-clad knee. Jay raised his head up at her presence.

For a moment, as her eyes met his and held, Hailey didn't say anything. She exhaled, her breath ruffling the strands of hair failing over her face. Where should she start? She hadn't really thought about what she would say. Maybe start with facts.

Hailey cleared her throat. "Gomez was picked up and they are bringing him in," she said. "Ramirez is still in the wind. But they got a perimeter set up and boots on the ground. We'll catch him." Hailey took a deep breath and said, "The hospital called."

At that Jay looked at Hailey, his eyes sad, defeated even. Like he knew exactly what she was about to tell him.

"He didn't make it," Hailey whispered. "The doctors tried to stop the bleeding, but the bullet hit a major artery. There was nothing anyone could have done."

Jay's face crumpled as he leaned forward, resting elbows on his knees. The emotions from the day now trickling down his cheek.

Hailey bit her lip and said, "I'm so sorry, Jay." Jay didn't say anything. She waited, then added. "You did not pull that trigger."

Jay shook his head slowly and said, "I might as well have. The only reason he was there was because _I_ madehim work his way out of a stupid drug charge that any lawyer could have done away with."

"Your CI knew what he was getting into."

"How could he? He was just a kid," Jay uttered sadly, his blue eyes agonized. A large sob tore through his chest, as if she had reached in and ripped it out.

_Jesus. _She'd had plenty of experience dealing with bad cases; Hailey knew loss and grief. She understood the despair and the anger that usually accompanied it. So why did talking about it with Jay threw her for a loop? Tempt her to go to him, pull him close and tell him everything was going to be alright. Though she didn't know that for a fact, had no way of knowing. Maybe it wasn't going to be alright. Maybe it was going to be a complete disaster.

Hailey scooted closer, her knees brushing against his legs now. "His mother is downstairs. Atwater is talking to her right now."

Jay straightened up and wiped his face. "I-I should be the one talking to her. It was my—"

"Jay." Hailey's hands seemed to move on their own as she reached for him, not for his hand, but for his face, cupped his jaw, and leaned towards him. "You can't do that. You can't carry this with you."

Jay shook his head and began to pull away.

Instinctively, her arms hugged his neck, and she touched her forehead to his. She watched Jay fight to avert his eyes. "You saved the unit. You saved me, didn't you?" Hailey asked through tears of her own, shining bright, but unshed. "Jay, listen to me. No one is blaming you for this. If not for you, who knows what would've happened to me, to the rest of the unit."

"Hailey—"

Unthinkingly, Hailey closed the small gap between them, leaned forward, and kissed him. She felt the contact in her heart and down to her toes and, for some clichéd reason, right to her soul. Then suddenly, realizing, what she'd done, she pulled away.

Her heart was pounding and she briefly wondered if he could see it beating in her chest if he looked down. Or if he'd be able to see it beat outside her chest since it felt exposed.

"I-I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking—"

Before she could move, Jay drew her back and lowered his mouth to hears. His lips soft, tender, tentative, and so wonderfully real. He parted his lips first and caressed hers with his tongue. Then something sparked. Lust, desire. Whatever it was, it had her body sighing in relief. With pleasure.

The kiss deepened. Her skin shot out in gooseflesh - each of her cells were hyper-alert, hyper-sensitive – so that when his hands found her waist, she felt it throughout her body. Her hands slid up, over his chest, and back down again, feeling his muscles beneath her fingers. Kissing Jay felt as natural as breathing.

Finally, they pulled apart.

Breathing.

Until finally Jay rested his forehead against hers. "You okay?" He asked, probably seeing a flush of red and shame ripple across her face.

Her heart, which up until that point had still been thumping in her chest, melted. His own emotions were likely in complete disarray, but he was still asking whether she was okay.

That was the thing about Jay. He never put himself first.

"Fine," Hailey cleared her throat when the word came out strangled. She smiled feebly and reached, cupping his cheek again. "All good."

Jay leaned into her touch then, closing his eyes. She could feel his struggles come again.

"Come on," Hailey said, patting his knee. "We can talk to his mother together." She stood up and offered him a hand. Jay took the hand she held out to him and they stood there facing one another, as if made silent by a moment too full of meaning for words. They stood there for what seemed like a long time, although in reality it was only a few seconds.

At last she broke the silence, "If _this_ gets too heavy, you tell me and I will help you carry it, okay?"

Jay nodded and smiled. It was a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. Hailey smiled, too, her expression almost identical except that hers was dimpled. She let her fingers relax and weave through with his as they walked out of the dimly lit locker room.

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**Thank you for reading. Fingers crossed for an Upstead kiss this season!**


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